Do you remember the first time you were broken up with? Or maybe you always did the breaking up. Or maybe you have never been in a relationship and have not given yourself the opportunity to allow someone to break up with you. Regardless of the situation, break-ups are a part of life and most people have been affected by a break-up in one way or another. Maybe you’ve experienced a break-up first hand or maybe you’ve supported a friend after a break-up. If you are the one being broken up with, you have probably experienced the end of the relationship differently than the one who did the breaking up.
Loss of a relationship results in numerous different outcomes. Relief, feelings of depression and worthlessness, excitement, lack of motivation, lack of concentration, and anger are often results of a break-up. Anxiety and nervousness can also result as you wonder if you will ever see or talk to your partner again. Feelings of loneliness and fear may arise as you begin to adjust to the loss. The bottom line: break-ups are difficult, unpredictable, and leave you with a variety of thoughts and feelings.
How do I get over a break-up I did not want?
The process of “getting over” a relationship takes time. The first few days are the hardest and probably the most confusing as you begin to experience different emotions and thoughts. You may find yourself wanting to sleep more or experience difficultly completing everyday tasks. Crying is often a part of the experience after a break-up. Give yourself time to process what happened. Try not to push yourself into “moving on” or “not thinking about it” too fast. Sometimes thinking about the break-up and experiencing your feelings is the most beneficial way to heal.
What if I can’t get over the break-up?
Everyone takes a different amount of time and healing to work through a break-up. Some take days or weeks, others take months and years. The intensity of the relationship and the break-up are often factors in how long it takes to work through the loss. If you are having difficulty, try some of these suggestions.
1. I encourage you to continue your daily activities if possible. Keeping the rest of your life as routine as possible can help. Knowing when and where you need to be and the responsibilities you need to accomplish can continue the normalcy of your life when you are feeing confused.
2. Speak with friends and family that you trust about the situation. Let them know you need someone to listen to you and support you. If their advice is not helpful, politely let them know that you do not need answers but someone to listen to you and tell you that they care.
3. Try doing activities that you enjoy like reading, writing, exercising, cooking, or painting. Journaling can be a wonderful creative and healing activity. Use your words to express how you feel and think about the situation. If you are experiencing anger toward the situation, try a physical activity to release energy.
If you are experiencing extreme emotional pain due to the break-up, I encourage you to seek support from a counselor that can help you through the difficult time. A counselor’s presence can be incredibly healing and working with someone who can help manage your emotions is beneficial. If you have experienced a break-up and believe you would benefit from speaking with a counselor, please call us at 595-5555. We’re here for your support.