We know the media glamourizes wickedness. It’s why the names Dylan Klebold & Eric Harris are notorious in our society. Turn on the news in the last two years and no doubt you’ve heard stories of teenagers taking their lives because of bullying. Sometimes the bullies do it in person-shoving kids in the hallways at school, being called ugly names when in the hallways between class, having food thrown at your or dumped in your lap in the cafeteria. In other cases, the bullying is done from behind a screen.
It’s called cyber-bullying. It’s when a person harasses someone else using the internet. It may be social networking sites, emails, or Twitter. A person, whose identity is usually kept a secret, makes horrible comments on the person’s Facebook page, sends nasty messages or texts, or passes around rumors or embarrassing photos or information. The identity can be secret because the person can set up an email address with false identifying information. Often, the only way the identity can be tracked is to utilize the technology available through the police department or other law enforcement authorities.
Someone may think the cyber-bullying would be less of an issue because you could “blow it off” because it’s not in person and the bully is unknown. However, if you’ve ever been bullied, cyber or not, you know you cannot simply “blow-off” bullying. Think back to a time when you were harassed or made to feel stupid or embarrassed by someone in school. That didn’t take long, did it? Do you usually remember with such clarity something you’re able to “blow off?”
The question remains how to help someone who is a victim of cyber-bullying:
- Listen to the victim. Let them tell you how they feel. Let them talk with you about what was said and what they think about it. Help them to process the situation.
- Don’t tell them to “suck it up” or “ignore it.” It doesn’t work. When you’re hurt, you don’t just “get over it.” You have to process it. You have to work through it.
- Protect them. Change their cell phone number. Help them delete their Facebook page or start a new Twitter account. Report the harassment to the authorities. If the bullying is in person, you may even need to consider changing schools. It’s a parent’s job to protect our kids and there are certain situations in which you must fight to protect your kid. Bullying is one of them.
- Pay attention. Listen to what they are saying and ask for clarification. If your child has made comments about feeling worthless or like life isn’t worth living, take it seriously. You may need to set up an evaluation by a licensed mental health professional.
As parents, we also need to be sure our kids are not perpetrators of bullying behaviors. Here are some ways to help in that respect:
- Model positive behavior. Your mom probably told you at least once in your life, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” This is easier for kids if they see it lived out in front of them. Don’t talk disparaging about others in front of them and correct them if you hear them talking poorly about someone else.
- Monitor their online chatter. Being online is a privilege, not a right. As a parent, you have the right to know what your child is doing. It’s your duty. Ask them to pull up their Facebook page on random occasions and read it. Check the web browser history and see what they’ve been viewing. You can even have programs that track the keystrokes on your computer so you can find out what they’ve been typing. While our kids are eager to trust them, trust must be earned and when trust is broken, privacy is a luxury they forfeit.
- Teach them the value of human life. People should be respected because they are living. Common courtesy (opening the door for someone who is coming into a store or restaurant behind you, saying please and thank you, giving your seat up for someone older on a bus or in a lobby) has become a lost art. However, having an underlying sense of respect for others can be the foundation necessary to help prevent your child from engaging in negative behaviors.
- Limit their time online. If you find your child has been engaged in cyber-bullying, the computer and smart phone should be off-limits. Is it inconvenient? Yes. Does not having a smart phone make things harder? Sure. But, if it saves the life of someone else’s son or daughter, is it worth it? No doubt.
- Seek professional help. There is something going on in the heart and mind of a bully. Having a professional evaluation by a licensed mental health professional and follow-up services may help you get to the bottom of what prompts a child to bully and harass another child.