Hopefully, when most of us think about the holidays, we think about happy things. Family traditions, Kodak moments, events we wished we would’ve caught on tape so we could send it to America’s Funniest Home Videos. The holidays are meant to be filled with celebrations and fond memories. However, because humans are involved, nothing is ever perfect. When you put different personalities together in small quarters, you are bound to have some tense moments.
When we think about our families and the holidays, we can all probably visualize at least one relative we could label EGR-Extra Grace Required. Maybe it’s a creepy uncle or an in-law who seems to have the right answer for everything. It might be a Debbie Downer or Negative Ned. Whoever it is, we sometimes have to take a deep breath before crossing the threshold of the front door so we can be polite and keep our cool.
Here are some helpful tips to handle the EGRs in your life:
- Be kind. Remember the reason for the season and act accordingly. Even if you’re annoyed, it doesn’t give you the right to treat someone poorly. Smile, ask about their lives, find something to compliment, and then move on to someone else in the family.
- Pace yourself. If Thanksgiving this year is being held at Aunt Jo’s house and she drives you absolutely nuts, consider ahead of time how much time you want to spend at the festivities. Maybe you decide to arrive right as lunch begins and leave before the after-meal card games start. Or, if it’s a large gathering, try and find a seat in another room. Try to take those annoying family members in small doses.
- Keep perspective. If you have a relative that tends to suck the life out of you, keep in mind that there are reasons he/she is the way he/she is. Something(s) in their history caused them to develop the traits that grate on your nerves. If, in your interactions, you can remind yourself to consider the person’s history, it may give you a little insight into their behaviors.
- Be patient. This is probably the toughest tip of all. Especially during the holidays, you may need to cut those annoying family members some slack. Holidays can be tough for various reasons. Maybe there has been a job loss in the last year and finances are tighter than usual. Or, perhaps there was a divorce or a death in the family that rocked their world. Whatever the reason, give yourself and those irritating family members some space.
- Have an exit strategy. Know when you’re reached your limit and have a way out planned in advance. If your plans include multiple days or staying in the same house, you will need some space at some point, maybe to even just get some peace and quiet to collect your thoughts. If necessary, arrange other accommodations. You can simply say you feel it would be easier for you and your family and easier for your potential host. Even if you are only going to a house for a meal, but you expect that your nerves will be raw before your turkey is digested, have somewhere to go or something to do that you can fall back on if you need to make an early escape. Plan a movie with your family or a trip to the mall to get an early jump on present buying or returning.
Knowing your limits, going into the situation with a positive attitude, and having a way out will help you survive those exasperating exchanges with your EGRs. If you find that your family is chalk-full of EGRs, you may want to consider seeking professional advice on how to cope with them by consulting a counselor and engaging in counseling yourself. One more tip to keep in mind to help you endure the EGRs in your life-remember you are probably someone else’s EGR. That brings it all into focus.
Lotus Group Counseling offers family counseling services to the Indianapolis and surrounding areas. Please contact us if you have questions or would like assistance in equipping and preparing yourself to handle family relational challenges this holiday season.