During the holidays, living through the recent loss of a loved one can reopen wounds and feelings of depression and sadness. Don’t feel like you must work through these items in isolation, the counselors at Lotus Group can assist you with grief counseling steps and discussions.
The holiday season is meant to be joyous and celebratory. However, if you have suffered the death of someone close to your heart, the holidays bring mixed feelings. This may be the first Thanksgiving or Christmas without your loved one. An empty chair at the table or no one to help cut down the Christmas tree will be difficult to stomach. The bad news-it will be painful. The good news-at some point in the future, maybe near, maybe far, it will get better. Here are some suggestions to help you survive the holidays while allowing yourself to grieve in a healthy fashion:
- Talk about your loved one
One of the most helpful things you can do after someone dies is to continue to speak his/her name. People around you may not want to mention your loved one’s name for fear of upsetting you. However, if you do not talk about your loved one by name, it may start to feel like everyone has forgotten him/her. Talk about your good memories and your bad. While some may feel it is disrespectful to talk about the negative things regarding the dead, it is unhealthy to idealize someone who wasn’t perfect. We need to be honest about our memories. - Don’t hide your emotions
In our society, we want everyone to feel better. That’s why people come up with clichés like, “God needed another angel in heaven, that’s why your daughter went to be with Him,” or “God won’t give you anything you can’t handle,” or “Your mom is in a better place.” While some of those things are true, these spiritual band-aids do little actually make someone who is grieving feel better. Don’t be afraid to show your emotions during these holidays, especially when you are with your family. Sometimes the best thing for your family is for them to see you grieving. This includes your tears, anger, hurt, and pain. - Remember that each person grieves in his/her own way
You will not grieve in the same manner as that of your husband, child, sibling, or parent. One may be very outwardly emotional, while another may seem to have simply moved on. Keep in mind that you do not see this person every hour of every day. Perhaps he/she cries when no one else is around. Or, maybe he/she is in counseling and uses that time to process his/her emotions and chooses to try not to think about the loss outside the safety of that therapy hour. You will have to give each person his/her own space to grieve in an individual and unique way. - Continue old traditions
If Dad loved the smell of a real Christmas tree, perhaps you’ll want to continue that tradition in his honor. If Mom was famous for her sweet potato casserole at Thanksgiving dinner and you think you can pull them off, pull out your best dish and make her proud. Think ahead about the ways your loved one will be missed the most and plan how you can still keep their memory alive during these special times. - Start a new tradition
While it’s important to remember your loved one during the holiday season, it might be too painful to try to continue all the old traditions. What might be helpful is to break into something new. You might consider integrating something your loved one might have liked. Maybe planting a tree at Christmas in honor of your loved one would be a nice gesture. Or, perhaps serving a meal at a soup kitchen during the Thanksgiving meal would be a fitting honor. Whatever the new tradition, talk about what your dearly departed would appreciate or like about it to bring him/her into it from the start. - Keep in mind you may get to see your loved one again
If you and your loved one are Christians, you have the promise that you will be reunited in Heaven in the future. Sometime, this promise may be the only thing to which you have to hold. Remembering this assurance may make surviving your time without him/her a little easier.
Losing a loved one is difficult. Surviving the first holiday season (not to mention the holiday seasons to come), is tough, but it can be done. Remember to take care of yourself and give yourself freedom to miss your loved one. You may need to consult a therapist who can provide grief counseling to help you make it through this challenging time.