It’s prom season. Bathing suit season is around the corner. These seasons strike fear in the hearts of parents of girls everywhere. The seasons should also strike fear in the hearts of the parents of the boys whom those girls will date. And, it isn’t because of the price tag that comes with the seasons (that’s a topic for another article). If you log into Facebook, you may be shocked to see the dresses that adorn the bodies of the girls next door. Strapless, backless, necklines that are too low, hemlines that are too short. (Let’s also not forget the tanning, manis and pedis, hairstyles, and make-up sessions that make these young ladies look years beyond their birth certificates.) Some of the dresses look as if the other half didn’t make it in the shipment from the manufacturer to the store. Our girls grow up quickly enough without us making them look older and face issues that only more mature adults should face by the way we allow them to dress and present themselves.
Dressing modestly has become more difficult. With our teens being inundated by our culture and Hollywood’s idea of fashion, shorts are shorter, shirts are tighter, and sex sells clothes. (Have you seen any Abercrombie and Fitch ads lately that actually show any clothes?) Girls are trying to fit in with their peers and having a boyfriend has become more and more important at younger and younger ages. Young girls are drawn to the numerous racks of clothes at the front of the girls or misses section that are often indecent and they break out in hives when their mothers want them to look at the two racks in the back that are truly age appropriate. It is probably a battle as old as time, and yet, it is one worth fighting.
The males of our species are turned on by sight. There is no easier way to put it. A man sees an attractive woman and his brain is aroused and sends those arousal signals the other parts of his body. Put that together with a girl who finds her self-worth in her boyfriend and is willing to do whatever she needs to do to keep him interested and it’s a recipe for disaster on a number of different levels.
So, as a parent, how do you buck up for battle? Here are a few tips:
1. Be a team. If dad says no to an outfit, mom must also say no to an outfit. You have to have a united front. If your daughter suspects there are cracks in the dam, she may try to use it to her benefit. This is especially difficult if the parents are divorced, but it is absolutely essential.
2. Decide your limits. Talk about what you will and won’t let your daughter wear. Are two-piece bathing suits acceptable? Does this mean bikinis or tankinis? How short is too short for shorts? Does that same rule apply to skirts? Know your limits before you set out the door to the mall.
3. Communicate your standards to her before the trip. Let her know what you will and won’t buy or let her wear. If a two-piece bathing suit or backless or strapless gown is out of the question, let her know that before you ever set foot in the store. Let her know why. (If you haven’t had a talk with her about the birds and the bees by the time she’s 12, odds are you might be too late. Again, that’s another article topic.) Tell her that you value her worth and her body more than any boy will and that we don’t want her to send a message to boys that would be harmful to her or her view of herself.
4. Even though she may be able to rock the outfit, it doesn’t mean she SHOULD rock the outfit. Our daughters are beautiful creatures and some of them take great care of themselves and are very fit. Your daughter may be able to wear an outfit and make it look like she should be on the runway getting paid to sell it. That doesn’t mean she should wear the outfit. Just because she can pull off the Daisy Dukes, doesn’t mean she should. Don’t let cute rule your decisions.
5. Find alternatives. Your daughter holds up a pink t-shirt with a neckline that is too revealing, Look for a pink t-shirt with a different neckline. She holds up shirt that has an acceptable neckline, but she wants to buy a small when she really needs a medium. Buy her the medium. (Try not to focus on what the tag says. Tween and Teen girls are very sensitive about their bodies and sizes. Talk more about fit. “This one fits you better.”) She holds up a pair of denim shorts that are too short. Find a comparable pair that suits your standards.
6. Be willing to spend a little more money. If it comes down to a choice between modesty and money, choose modesty.
7. Accessorize. Some girls complain about modest clothes and say they aren’t cute enough. Save a little money in your budget to add a necklace, some earrings, or a great pair of shoes.
8. Be the parent. When you say no, refuse to get into a knock-down, drag-out argument in the middle of the store. You control the money, so you will ultimately control what is in your bags when you leave the store. If you say no and she wants to debate, walk away. Or, you can leave the store and wait in your car. If she has money of her own, you still have veto power on what she buys. If she comes to the car with bags, you can review what she purchased and then walk back in and return whatever you do not approve. If the battle follows you through store after store, cut your shopping trip short and let her know she can simply wear what she already has in her closet. She’ll get tired of that quickly enough and be ready to play by your rules.
We have to teach our girls how to teach boys how to treat them. We have to let her know her worth is not in her outward beauty and that it is our job to protect her. Part of that job is to help her understand how she displays herself is an advertisement. We want her to advertise herself like a Lamborghini (treated with respect, only attainable by the highest qualified people, treasured) and not like a pick-up truck (for any average Joe with a dead deer tossed in the back). It’s our job to protect our daughter and help the boys who will date her know how to treat her.