When we think of abortion, we automatically think about the woman. Her choice, her body, her consequences. However, we’re forgetting the other half of the equation. A man was involved. And, unlike all the Lifetime movies, the man isn’t always pushing for an abortion or uninvolved in the life of the woman considering abortion. Many times, the man may want the woman to keep the child.
Here are some things to consider regarding men and abortion:
- Men may actually experience symptoms of pregnancy with their partners. Research out of Canada estimates 20%-80% of men experience hormonal changes when their partners are pregnant. So, while his body senses and adjusts to his partner being pregnant, it is logical to assume his body will have to readjust if the baby is aborted.
- The impact of the abortion can be immediate. If a man disagrees with the choice of abortion, the grief can be devastating. It may drive a wedge between him and his wife.
- The full impact of the abortion may not be realized until years after the experience. There may be events in the future that serve as triggers to unrealized grief. The birth of another child, hearing a story about someone else’s abortion, a religious experience, a wedding or graduation. Those events may cause the father to realize the events he will not celebrate or experience in the life of that child.
Men handle grief and the experience of abortion in many different ways.
- Some will distance themselves from their partner or abandon her completely. He may decrease his level of communication with her or try to shut her out from knowing his emotions.
- Some men experience rage or anger. It can be aimed inwardly or it can be directed at his partner or someone else who influenced her decision or God.
- Others may engage in reckless behaviors as a way of taking dangerous risks in order to potentially punish themselves.
- Suicidal thoughts have been reported by some fathers whose partner’s chose abortion.
- Often men turn to substances as a way of attempting to cope with emotions they are unable to process on their own. They use the substances as a way to numb themselves or try to escape.
- At times men may want to try to replace the child lost to abortion by having another child. They may pressure their partner to try to get pregnant.
- Some men turn to anti-abortion activism to assuage their guilt and try to make up for the choice to end their pregnancy.
If you know a man or are a man who has had an abortion experience, it is important to know you are not alone. Many men struggle with the aftermath of the choice of abortion. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider seeking help from a professional therapist or counselor. This can be done individually or with your partner.
Photo Credit: flickr tourist_on_earth