Ready or not, here it comes….or does it?
What happens when hope is hiding from your relationship? Arguments get longer and more frequent, communication becomes a thing of the past, exhaustion takes over, and giving up sounds pretty good. Sometimes this ends in divorce and sometimes it ends in “unhappily ever after,” but regardless of the outcome, it is easy to feel like the relationship will never get better.
But, is this the only way? Will hope never be found?
As a therapist and a wife, I understand the difficulty of maintaining hope in relationships, especially when the chaos of everyday life helps it hide. However, I want to offer suggestions for “getting warmer” and finding hope in your relationship when it seems like hope will never be found.
First, if you feel like your relationship will never get better, I encourage you to seek help from a professional therapist who has a passion for relationships. Be specific in your search for a therapist and make sure you find a therapist who will help you find hope in your relationship, not help it break up. I believe, as a therapist, that part of my job is to find and hold hope for couples who feel unable to hold hope themselves, and I encourage you to seek a therapist who is encouraging of you and your relationship.
Second, move away from using words like “always,” “never,” and “if you would only.” Start thinking of times when your partner is not doing what you feel he/she is always or never doing and begin focusing on the times when your partner is doing something different.
Third, compliment each other. Throughout your day, notice one thing you appreciate about your partner and then tell your partner. If this feels difficult, (and it can after years of hurt and disappointment) make a list for yourself of the things you appreciate about your partner, and when you feel ready, tell your partner.
And fourth, ask friends and family where they see hope in your relationship. Many times, friends and family can point out blind spots and recognize patterns that may be helping or hurting the relationship. Take their advice and insight with care as they work to help your relationship.
Finding hope is difficult, so be patient and gentle when searching for it over time. If you feel you need additional help finding hope, please contact a professional therapist in your area who can help you search for hope and care for your relationship. Many therapists have been given a passion for relationships and would love to help you find hope and a new way of experiencing your relationship. Hope is difficult to find, but it will not hide forever.
Kristie L. Watts, MFT InternLotus Group, www.lotusgroup.biz, 317-595-5555