Yesterday was Hallmark’s favorite holiday—Mothers’ Day. According to the US Census Bureau there are around 82.5 million moms in the U.S. Americans spend $16.3 billion to celebrate their mothers. After the winter holidays, Mother’s Day is the second largest U.S. consumer spending holiday, with $1.9 billion in flowers given and 141 million cards mailed.But, not everyone is happy on Mothers’ Day. Some children had abusive moms and Mothers’ Day reminds them of a very difficult childhood and a woman who may deserve anything but flowers and a card and warm sentiments.
For others, Mothers’ Day reminds them they cannot be mothers. Those who struggle with infertility often dread Mothers’ Day as it deepens the ache in their hearts. It makes their arms feel even emptier and their hearts long even more to hold a child or hear someone call them “Mom.”
Perhaps there are some who chose abortion and Mothers’ Day reminds them of a life ended. They may recall their decision to end a pregnancy and be riddled with guilt for not giving that baby a chance to know his or her mother or receive a Sunday school craft or handmade Mother’s Day.
There are others who are celebrating their first Mother’s Day without their moms. Death has stolen away this holiday from those children and their hearts are heavy, longing to hug and kiss their mother and hear her voice just one more time. For them, today is extremely difficult.
So, how do you get through Mother’s Day if it’s anything less than happy?
- If your mom was not a nice person and you do not have positive memories, vow to not be that kind of person. Make a commitment today to live your life differently and not repeat those negative patterns in your own relationships. Look around you and find those people who love you well and love them well in return. Consider what it might look like, if you haven’t already, to forgive your mom for her mistakes, even if she isn’t asking for forgiveness. Forgiveness is often more for the person doing the forgiving than the person who is being forgiven.
- If you are not able to have children and be called mom yourself, allow your heart to be sad. It’s okay to be sad over a dream not fulfilled. But, don’t allow yourself to stay there too long. Look around you for those children who need a mama to love them and step into the gap. Perhaps it’s a niece or nephew or a child who has lost their mother. Or, maybe it’s an older woman in your life whose children live far away and you can love her. Or, maybe there is a new family in the neighborhood who don’t have any family members close by. Maybe you can step in and become part of their family simply by loving their kids and loving those parents. There are people all around you who need the love you have to give and would welcome your attention and care. Will it be the same as having your own children? No, nothing will ever be just like that. But, it will sure go a long way.
- If you chose abortion and are struggling with the grief of that decision, allow your heart to be sad, also. Its okay to feel that regret and loss. But, just like the mom who can’t have children, don’t stay in that dark place too long. Seek forgiveness and then be willing to forgive yourself. Then, pour yourself and the love in your heart into those around you who need it.
- If your mom is still living and you have a good relationship, tell her how much she means to you. Tell her the things she does for which you are thankful. Be glad you still have her and take advantage of each moment, remembering those who wish they could be in your shoes.
Really, while Mother’s Day is about moms, what are moms really all about? Moms should be about love and everyone can understand that on some level. Look around you and love well and love deeply, even if it makes you vulnerable to hurt. It’s that type of love, and even the hurt, that make life worth living. It’s that type of love you’ll look back on at the end of your life and be able to consider your life a life well lived.