Fall brings with it pumpkins, apple cider, and sweater weather. It also brings Halloween, costumes, and way more candy than any human being should consume. For some, this season is full of fun and excitement. However, for others it can be a time of fear and worry.
Every child is wired differently. What is funny to one can be scary to another. What is exciting and thrilling to one can be terrifying and incapacitating to another. The key is to know your child and what they can handle. Here are some ideas to keep in mind during this season to protect your child from unnecessary fears and trauma.
Be aware of what is age-appropriate.
During this time of year, there are many Halloween-themed movies ranging from cartoons about a cute little bat trying to grow up to horror movies about men in masks with chainsaws or razor sharp blades for finger nails. It is important to heed the ratings on movies and video games and stick to those guidelines. Those guidelines are loose to begin with, most likely allowing more violence, sex, or ugly language than is really good for kids (the video game industry regulates itself and its ratings). If a movie is rated PG-13 and your 11-year-old is prone to fear, it’s probably a good idea to pass on the movie for now.
Know about developmental milestones.
Young children have difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality. It’s not until they are between 6-8 years old they realize there is no monster under their bed or that Freddy Krueger is only an actor with Hollywood make-up.
Think and look ahead.
It has happened to even the best parents. You’re taking your kids Trick-or-Treating down a street in your neighborhood and you come upon the winner of the best decorated house for Halloween. It’s covered in fake spider webs, there is an animated witch stirring her cauldron in the front yard, and you can tell by the kids in front of you who scream when the front door opens that the owner is dressed and ready to make your little pumpkin pee her pants. If your child is young and tends to get scared easily, you might consider walking on the other side of the street and avoiding that house. There is plenty of candy available at the other houses.
If your child does see or watch something that causes bad dreams, here are some ways to help calm his fears:
- Don’t minimize the fear. Telling your child not to be afraid is like telling a dog not to bark. Children can’t turn off their emotions any easier than adults can. Instead, take the opportunity to snuggle up to your child and talk about what it is that has him/her scared. Tell him/her it’s okay to be afraid and share with him/her something that makes you scared or made you scared when you were that age. (Don’t go into detail; details may give him/her more to be scared about).
- Ask your child what will help him/her feel less scared. Maybe she wants you to get out the light saber and slay the dragon in her closet. Or, maybe he wants to put on his superhero cape and become invisible. Talk to him about his heroes and ask him what he thinks the heroes would do and then get him to act it out with you.
- Help them think about something positive. When it’s time to tuck them in, talk with them about what they want to dream about. Once you’ve talked with them about their fears and done what you can to calm their spirits, ask them to make up a story they would like to see in their dreams. Maybe she is a princess who has a special birthday slumber party with all of her friends and her parents get her a puppy or a pony. Or, perhaps he would like to be the baseball player who hits a grand-slam in the bottom of the 9th inning to win the World Series.
- Pray with them. Scripture is very clear that God is not the author of fear and the love casts out all fear. Talk with them about how God loves them and is with them at every moment. Lead them in a prayer asking God to protect them through the night and help them have a peace that runs out the fear.
If these suggestions don’t seem to be helping, you might want to consider having your child meet with a counselor or therapist. Some children have anxiety issues stemming from serious trauma experiences and need the help of a professional and/or medication to overcome. Therapists are trained to help children feel safe enough to talk about their fears and learn new coping skills to overcome those fears. Those therapists can also help parent learn skills to help their children be less fearful and know how to help their children when the fear seems overwhelming. There is hope for living above fear, but sometimes some children simply need a little extra help.
