Part of the fun of this time of year is picking out your Halloween costume. Some people are easily identifiable, while others are completely unrecognizable. There are some who insist on wearing their masks all year long.
You may think that sounds crazy and rare, but you see those people probably every day. They may be the people that always answer, “Fine” when you ask how they are doing. They may be the people who seem to have it all together or never let anything faze them or bring them down.
The truth is we all have our masks. Some of us only pull them out on occasions, perhaps when it’s socially appropriate. Like when your boss asks how your job is going and you say, “Great!” even when you wish you could quit. Or, when your child asks you why you were crying when Daddy left and you brush away the tears and say you have something in your eye.
For others, the mask has become so much a part of who they are, they may not even realize they are wearing it anymore. Friends may ask them what is wrong or tell them they don’t seem like themselves. Here are some reasons folks wear their masks:
Fear
Some people are afraid if people really knew what they were like, no one would like them. So, they act like the person they think people would like so they can have friends.
Protection
Some people have been so hurt by others in their past, they wear a mask to protect themselves from being hurt again. If they wear their mask and don’t let people far enough inside their lives to really get to know them, it protects them from getting hurt.
Confusion
Some people are still trying to figure out who they really are. This is common in teenagers who are trying to define themselves apart from their parents. It is also common with college graduates who are entering the working world and navigating life with more adult responsibilities. Others who be confused about their identities are those who have been laid off from a job and trying to redefine themselves or those going through a divorce who are trying to determine who they are outside their former relationship.
One crucial problem with wearing a mask for too long is trying to take it off. Not only has the mask-wearer become accustomed to the mask, but the people around the mask-wearer don’t know much about what’s behind the mask. They may be confused or surprised at what they may find behind the mask. If you are ready to take the mask off, here are some tips to a smoother transition.
- Choose your audience carefully.
If you have been wearing the mask out of fear or protection, pick the people in your life you know to be safe to be the first to see the real you. Find trustworthy people who have your best interests at heart and give them the honest pieces of who you are a little at a time. - Be honest.
When you have a safe group of supportive friends, you can be honest with them about your struggles to be real and come out from behind the mask. They will most likely appreciate your honesty and respect you for your truthfulness and transparency. - Give yourself time.
Depending on how long you’ve been wearing your mask, it may be difficult to really let it go. Shedding your mask can be a scary time. Be patient with yourself. When you catch yourself slipping the mask back on, stop and think about the consequences and ask yourself if it’s really worth keeping up the charade. In the long run, you’ll find the answer to that question is usually always, “No.” - Seek help.
If you’ve been through a traumatic experience and your mask is your way of protecting yourself from further hurts, you might consider talking with a counselor about your struggles. Counselors are trained to know how to help you talk through your troubles and teach you techniques you can use to become more comfortable in your own skin without the mask.