As parents, we want to give our kids everything. When women first find out they are pregnant, they are often bombarded with advertisements for things for their new bundle of joy—anything from information on breast feeding versus formula, car seats, and even life insurance. Parenting includes a deep sense of understanding that our children should be one of the biggest priorities in their lives and we begin planning and maybe even worrying about how we will meet all of their needs.
Given the mind-numbing amount of options available to parents on nearly every topic, we have to narrow down what is vitally important and what can wait. If we have to do this as parents, imagine what young children experience on a daily basis when they are learning to navigate through a new and exciting world! It’s our job to make life manageable for them at their different developmental stages.
Here’s one key to making life manageable in your household. Give your child reasonable choices. Giving children no choice often brings about a power struggle. How many times have you made dinner and heard, “I don’t like that” when you know they’ve never even tried it?
On the other hand, giving children too many choices can be overwhelming. Children’s brains are still developing and bombing it with too much information will send them into stimulus overload.
Let’s look at an example. You’re getting the kids up and ready for school. Your six-year-old daughter throws open the doors to her closet where she finds the same amount of clothing available backstage at New York’s Fashion Week. Information overload. It becomes a trial-and-error fest where she tried on 8 different outfits until she finds the one she likes—pink tights, lime green skirt, and yellow sweater.
The opposite scenarios can be just as frustrating. You’re in a hurry and while she’s eating her cereal, you run up and pick out the cute little outfit Grandma bought her for her birthday. You lay it out on her bed for her to put on once breakfast is over. You’re getting dressed when you hear, “I don’t want to wear THIS!”
Instead, the morning of or the night before school, lay out two or three outfits from which she can choose. When she wants to fuss and pick out a fourth or fifth, you can be gentle but firm and let her know these are the choices. After a few run-throughs and testing of the limits, she’ll learn to pick from the choice you give her.
The same type of technique can be used at dinnertime. If you have a finicky eater, be sure to have something on the plate you know he will eat. Then, if you want him to eat something new or something you think he may not like, give him a choice between one bite or two or one new thing or another. It gives him the illusion of control, but, in the end, you ultimately get what you want.
Giving children choices gives them a sense of independence and like they have a say in their own lives. Limiting their choices makes it manageable and leads to fewer power struggles. Helping our kids grow up and having fewer conflicts at home—now that’s something we can all choose!
