Since the women’s liberation movement, perhaps before, there has been a debate over whether or not mothers should have jobs outside the home. For years, a mother’s job was raising the children, tending to her husband, and managing the homestead. As society’s expectations of mother’s changed and women began taking on jobs outside the home, the discussion began regarding whether or not children needed the undivided attention of their mothers or if jobs actually helped mothers parent better.
Like many arguments in society, the pendulum swings one way during one period of time and then swings back the other direction. This is definitely true with this argument. Employment rates for women rose from 168,973 in 2001 to 184,080 in 2011. It has not been a steady growth, however. Between 2001 and 2007 employment rates for women dropped 4%. And, while we don’t have the data yet, experts are reporting that more and more women are choosing to return home and leave the professional work force.
The question has always been, can mothers really have it all without too high a cost to their families or do families suffer when mom is helping to bring home the bacon? The answer is yes. There are some families that make it work and work well, while there are other families who face some pretty tough consequences when both parents are working.
Here are some ideas to consider when deciding what is right for your family:
- You know your family better than anyone. You can’t compare your situation to someone else’s, even if on the outside they appear the same. Simply because your mom did it, or your best friend does it, doesn’t mean you can do it (whatever IT is). You know what you and your family can handle.
- Consider the expense. For some moms, they’ve done the math and realized that by the time they pay for a work wardrobe, commuting expenses, and childcare, they actually are in a better place financially staying home. Be sure to count in lunch expenses, dry cleaning for your work clothes, and your time getting from home to work and back.
- Think about more than the monetary costs. What will your family be giving up if you are working? Even if you’re bringing in more money, not being able to volunteer in your child’s classroom for their Valentine Day party or missing out on piano recitals may be too high a price.
- Talk about the household chores. With mom being gone, the family will need to talk about the distribution of household responsibilities. Mom can’t be expected to work and still get done around the house what she was accomplishing when she was not working outside the home. If your children are old enough, assign them a few extra chores to help make sure nothing falls through the cracks at home during the week.
- Some moms need to work. There are some moms who need the intellectual stimulation of a career. While they love their children, being a stay-at-home mom wears on them. For these women, a part-time job may be just what the doctor ordered. A few days out of the house being mentally challenged by a job may be just what she needs to be able to be on her game when at home with the family.
- Don’t try to be superwoman. If you decide that you want to work and have a family, be sure to communicate your needs for help when you start to feel overwhelmed. Even the most competent of professional women who are moms have times when they feel as if they aren’t doing either part of their lives well. So, if you need to hire someone to come clean your house once in a while, do it! If your mother-in-law offers to take the kids for a Saturday so you can clean or get your mountain of laundry done, take her up on it!
- Make sure the time you are with your family is as much about quality as it is quantity. This goes for both moms who stay at home and moms who work outside the home. While at home, the laundry, dinner, dirty floors, and soap-scummy bathrooms call our names and we can get just as busy around the house and neglect our kids as if we weren’t home at all. Our families need both quantity and quality time. A few hours of quality time a week is not a substitute for the quantity of time your family really needs. But, when you are with your family, make it count. Go deeper than chit-chat around the kitchen table and be intentional about meaningful conversations. While you’re fixing dinner (or ordering take-out), ask about each family members’ favorite part of his day or one thing she wishes she could do over again.
- Carve out family time in your schedule. Make Friday night Family night. Start a new tradition on Saturday morning of having homemade waffles or exercising together. If you choose to work outside the home, you’ll have to be deliberate with your schedule and be sure you pencil in more specific times to enjoy your family.
- Consider your childcare options. Research has shown that the younger the child, the more they need their mothers (not rocket science, right?). If your kiddos are tiny (3 and below), they do best when being cared for by an attentive mother or other close relative. Children less than two-years-old who have be placed in a daycare center have been shown to have more problems with attachment than those who are cared for by their mothers or another close relative (What’s dad doing? There is a rise in the number of stay-at-home dads which may be an option for some families). If a daycare center is your only option, find one that is reputable and has low child to caregiver ratios. The more attention your child gets the better for the child.
If you’ve been out of the workforce for a while and need some direction, consider contacting a career counselor to talk about your options. In career counseling, therapists will often begin with an interest and/or strength inventory to discover careers that fit your skills and jobs you may find appealing.
If you’re trying to work through some of these questions and challenges, topics like this are just some of the areas that family counseling may help you get a clearer understanding or perspective. Working through how these decisions impact your family can be an exercise not to risk missing for the health of your family.
http://www.dol.gov/dol/topic/statistics/employment.htm
Image Credit: MomLogic.com
