Being a part of a family can be an extremely rewarding part of life. On other days, being a part of a family is one of the most challenging experiences we can face. Each person has different likes and dislikes, personalities, ways of communicating, and ways of handling stress. You may have heard it said you can’t choose your family. That’s true, but you can choose how you interact with your family.
There are times in the life of a family that may require mediation or intervention of a professional counselor or psychologist. Family therapy can be helpful in any of the following situations:
- Death of a close relative or loved one
- Conflict in the marriage and thereby turmoil in the family
- When a member of the family has a mental illness or addiction
- When someone in the family is abusive or has been abused
- Family crisis (home invasion, severe automobile accident in which someone was injured)
- When someone in the family has special needs and the family needs help learning how to adjust and meet the needs of the individual in need
During family therapy, a counselor or psychologist will want to get to know each family member. The therapist may do this by meeting with everyone as a group or in individual meetings with each family member. Often, a combination of group and individual sessions is used. For example, if a child has been diagnosed with bi-polar or ADHD, the therapist may ask to meet first with the parents and then with only the child and then again later with the parents and child together. Or, in the case of divorce, the therapist may ask to meet with each parent individually, then the children, then the children with each parent separately, then the two parents together. Many times it depends on the issues bringing the family into therapy in the first place.
A family therapist will usually begin therapy by taking a thorough family history, possibly even asking questions about extended family that may be a part of the family’s life (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins). Questions will be asked about family structure, ways of communicating, family history of physical and mental illness, and the quality of relationships between each family member.
The family therapist will also want to know detailed information about the problems the family is facing that brought them in for therapy. The therapist will often listen with the “third ear” and observe the interactions within the therapy office between the family members. The therapist will initially take as much of an objective position as possible, attempting to learn as much as possible about the family and the issues.
There may be times when a family therapist will “join” with a particular member of the family in order to help the family in their communication patterns and in their conceptualization of the problem. This is especially important when one member of the family is blamed for the majority of the problems in the family. By joining with that member, the therapist will work to help the family members realize the role the problem plays in the family and how to best find a solution.
One thing for which families in family therapy need to be prepared is change. Imagine a mobile hanging over a baby’s crib. If you touch one side of the mobile, it moves all the other sides of the mobile. This is what a family can expect in family therapy. Even if one member of the family has been labeled as “the problem,” each family member has learned how to cope, react, and respond to that family member. When that family member changes and the problem diminishes, changes or goes away, each family member will need to change as well. In fact, when one family member is scapegoated, when that family member makes a positive change, it often brings to light other issues within the family and the other family members. If we can go into family therapy expecting everyone to change, that will be one less surprise throughout the process.
Change is tough and being a part of a family can at times be challenging. But, if you want your family to be healthy and to fulfill the need for community in your life, being willing to give family therapy a try during difficult situation will be money and time well-invested.
