7 Signs of a Healthy Marriage

In just a couple of weeks, we will celebrate a holiday that is all about love and romance. Cupid’s arrows will fly and hearts will swoon. While the day often involves heart-shaped candy boxes and tissue papers hearts, it never hurts for a couple to take inventory of the health of their marriage. At Lotus Group we know that sometimes the first step to marriage counseling is an accurate view of what the health of the relationship is currently.


Here are some signs of a healthy married relationship:

  1. Freedom to be yourself.
    Each individual has his/her own identity. In a healthy relationship each person is allowed the room to have his/her own likes and dislikes, friends, ideas and opinions. If one person feels he/she cannot exist outside of the other person, it may be a sign something is amiss in the relationship.
  2. Lots of good communication.
    Marriage therapist John Gottman says he can predict whether or not a couple will stay married or get divorced. He analyzes their communication styles (both verbal and nonverbal) and watches to see if they turn away from each other or turn toward each other. While every couple fights, how well they fight and whether or not there is any resolution and change after the fight is the key. Being able to openly and honestly communicate feelings and opinions in a marriage relationship is both healthy and vital to its success.
  3. Good sex life.
    Psychologist and author Kevin Leman said recently, “I’ve never counseled a married couple in crisis who said they had a great sex life.” This act of intimacy is often a thermometer for the health of a marriage.
  4. Trust in each other.
    If you don’t have confidence in your mate, the relationship is shaky at best. Spouses need to be able to know that their mate has his/her best interest at heart. Your marriage relationship has to be one in which you can let your hair down and be real. That’s not possible without trust.
  5. Faithfulness to one another.
    Going along with trust is the idea of faithfulness. This is more than being faithful sexually. It means being faithful emotionally as well. Often, especially with women, a sexual affair first starts with an emotional affair.
  6. Balance exists.
    Just as each person needs to have his/her own identity in the relationship, there must be balance in voice and responsibilities. Each partner needs to be able to speak and be heard. The couple needs to talk about what household responsibilities fall to whom and what childrearing duties fall to what parent. There has to be a team feel or else one partner often becomes resentful of the other.
  7. The marriage is fun!
    Dr. Leman also said that marriage is not easy, but it’s simple. One of the simplest “cures” for troubles in a marriage is a good sense of humor and lots of laughter. Humor can often defuse tension. If each partner can laugh at themselves, it may help whatever problem exists to be a little less edgy.

Even marriages that start out well or look like they have it all together on the outside, may be struggling. If your marriage doesn’t have some of the keys above, it might be a good idea to consider couples’ counseling. Just like we take our vehicles into a dealership every few months for a tune-up, we owe the same to our marriages. Being able to talk with an objective third party and get some perspective on things you can do to make your marriage better is worth the investment.

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