Childhood can be hard. Always being told what to do. Never really having a say in how you live your life. Parents walking away from a marriage and feeling like it’s your fault. Being bullied at school. Never really feeling like you fit in. While different children face different issues and have different buffers and traits that affect how children respond to their environments, there may be times when children (and parents) could benefit from family counseling.
Here are some of the problem areas commonly seen in therapy offices:
- Grief and Loss
- Behavioral problems at home and/or at school
- Divorce
- Learning disabilities
- Developmental disabilities
- Problems with social relationships
Counseling can be very beneficial for children. Finding a good therapist (degree from an accredited program and licensed with a good reputation) is half the battle. Being prepared for the experience is the other half. Here are some helpful tips to keep in mind if your child needs therapy.
- Don’t expect the therapist to fix your child without you. Often parents want to drop off the child for the counseling appointment and let the therapist work his/her magic. Unfortunately (or fortunately), the counseling will involve you and your spouse and the child. The process is much like a baby’s mobile that hangs over her crib-touch one side of it and all the other parts move. For a child to make lasting changes, it will involve and affect the entire family. Good child counseling ought to look more like good family therapy.
- Things may get worse before they get better. This is not the news parents want to hear. Often, if the child is coming to counseling, the parents already think the situation is bad enough. However, change is difficult for children. They have become accustomed to behaving one way and getting certain responses. When that same behavior gets a different response, children will often push the limit. If a child throws a fit in the grocery store in order to get a candy bar and the parent give the child a candy bar to stop the fit, if the parent decides to no longer reward the fit, the child will test the limits. The fits may get louder and longer in an effort to see if the parent will eventually cave in. The child will want to test your new found resolve to see if you really mean what you say. This translates to the child pushing the boundaries more often.
- Expect the counselor to ask you to change in order to help your child change. A parent has to be willing to change some of his/her parenting in order to help his/her child change. To put a child in therapy and not change his/her environment is setting that child up for failure. So, don’t take it personally if the therapist wants to talk to you about your parenting and approaches to your child.
Many children respond very well to treatment. The children whose parents are involved have a better chance of making lasting changes when parents are involved, available, and supportive throughout the treatment process. Without the parent’s participation, it will be an uphill battle for everyone involved.
If you have questions about whether or not your child or family may need counseling or family counseling, contact our office and ask for an assessment. We’ll be happy to give you a professional opinion on the appropriate treatment direction for your situation.
